My Genius Book

From a collection by me entitled "Secrets and Lies"


It started out as nothing more than a business trip up north

My client ran a warehouse in a down-beat Humberside wharf

The railroads were erratic so I gave me plenty of time

‘Twas on that stop-start train journey 


I found my narrative rhyme

I disembarked in freezing fog and checked into my room

“One God-forsaken evening - I’ll be back home not too soon”

Or so I thought

The power failed

The curse of a gale-force storm

‘Twas in those hours of sightless pitch

My genius book got born

You know the rest

The media hype

You’ve many times heard my name

I’m hanging with J.K.Rowling

I’m on Newsnight

Drenched in fame

The money rolls in

The film-rights spin

Now Hollywood caught my hook

And everyone keeps asking me

“How on earth d’ya write that book ?!”

I tell them owt

“I’ve planned it years”

“‘Twas inspired by my Mum”

“I saw a gap in the market”

“It’s a gift from my unborn son”

When faced with stupid questions as a literary debutant

Rupert Murdoch’s voice pipes up;

“Just give them what they want!”

I bought my pile in the home counties

Complete with a crochet lawn

And wash rooms for the media

Who camp by the gates ‘til dawn

The lifestyle’s swell

I wish to God they’d all leave me alone

Yet everyone the world over

Is analysing my tome

The folly of man lies in his search for meaning where there’s none

We’re going after answers when the questions are all wrong

They created this mess

I couldn’t care less

I’m far from the maddening clique

Invention's capability is fuelling my mystique

Of course, they’ll never know the truth

Because it’s mine to hold

My secret and I got married

And together we’ll grow old

I wrought my power in the witching hour

‘Tis when the words took form

‘Twas on that lonely winter’s night

My genius book got born